The Blank Page

The intimidation of the blank page has been known to cause a rage.
At the page the writer will stare, hoping to create something rare.
A story that can touch a heart; tear one’s perspective apart.
In his mind is the key to opening the mystery.
He hopes for a world recognized piece of art.
If only he could just start.

Time heals and love covers a multitude of sins.
But in the end, who wins?
Maybe there is no first place
in this life some consider a race.
We spend so much time on who is right and who is wrong;
we forget that it is for each other we long,
And when we are so busy tearing those we love apart,
we will never truly know the depths love can impart.
The love we search for all our lives
has always been here, right in front of our eyes.
What we thought we wanted, we already had.
What we thought we hated, really wasn’t all that bad.
The absence we feel is not the other person’s fault;
the emptiness comes from our own history's vault.
We expect others to fill in the gap,
As if they were the only one with a map.
Reality is so different from these fantasies we believe in,
The true reality is: we don’t want to win.
We just want to know who we are and that we are okay,
and let others see who we really are and let them love us anyway.

Nina Simone - Here Comes The Sun

Feeling Good, Nina Simone

Broken plans

I planned to go hiking today and didn't get to go! So disappointing, but there's a reason for everything. Maybe I was going to get eaten by a mountain lion or something...Couldn't sleep at all last night and a forgotten dress up day at school were the reasons. I can say I enjoyed sleeping most the day. I haven't had a day off work in 12 days and they have been some physically demanding shifts, so a break was needed. Since a lot of them have been nights, I will look forward to taking the pup to the lake tonight. My favorite time to go and I haven't been able to lately. House needed to be cleaned, too. There is always two weeks from now; always another chance - that's what keeps me sane these days. Not sure how hiking looks in the winter time. White? Maybe need some boots? Anyway, going to post some pictures of my dog at the lake I speak of. Beautiful! The link won't work. If you like dogs and want to see my pictures, copy and paste http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2094486&id=1212393130

Recent Escapades

....this is my one chance for renewal, allowing me to come back and handle it all more gracefully... and something to look forward to in the inbetween time. I think I'll start writing a note or two each time I go. My first lone trip was to Yosemite. I hiked to the top of Vernal Falls, and once there rose my eyes a few miles up where they fell on the beautiful Nevada falls. I was tired and questioning my strength. My health has been a bit in question and I know my shape for hiking isn't at its prime - but I went anyway. I knew that after a three hour drive and the beauty that awaited me, it would be a shame not to push myself that extra mile (or two - straight up!! did I mention?) But isn't that the point of my escapades? To push myself somewhere different and beautiful. A short reprieve from the stress and attempt to return a happier woman to take care of my daughter and work at my best. If you click on the above waterfall it will take you to more pictures of this wonderful reprieve...

Stink Bomb of a Woman

So, just when I thought life couldn't get any more difficult it when and did just that.
I find it quite odd that I had all these dreams and aspirations, but no ability to grab hold of them. Always inhibited somehow. I worked diligently to put myself in a position where I have the freedom to take hold of these things I waited years to pursue, but because that position requires money and lots of work I have no time to do what I put myself here to do. What do they call that? Ummm, an oxy moron or something like that...or just plain pointless maybe...I mean, how is it that no matter what I do or where I am I always find myself blocked in some way. Never able to fully be happy. Are the places I take myself wrong or the people I choose to love the wrong choice for me?
This is what I came up with: If you move a stink bomb from room to room and around different people it isn't the rooms or the people that make it stink. It is the bomb taking the problem from place to place and to different people. The solution? That bomb needs to figure out how to stop stinking or pray it comes across someone who knows how to handle its stinking baggage.