Rays of sunshine amidst the storm

You ever look up into an over cast sky with sun breaks, one of those especially beautiful ones you stop to look at even if you are in a crummy parking lot at the time? And it seems in some of these gray/black masses of clouds who hide almost the entire blue sky, that we can see those little rays of sunlight sneak their way past the darkness and shine down for the whole world to see their rebellious character. Usually when I see these triumphant beauties I think they are God's fingers reaching down to take souls up to their new heavenly home. However, lately, when I think about them I think how much life is like that sky. Sometimes clear and easy, blue and bright, but often cloudy and dark for reasons we have little or no control over. And when I think of life that way, I see those illuminating rays as those friends in my life who have taken their time and spent their effort to make my dark sky just a bit brighter. I thank God for them. Its funny how He allows us to suffer these storms but it is also Him who blesses us with the radiant light of love and friendship.

Inspiration evades me yet again

I could really use some inspiration for my writing. March is my dead line to have a rough draft novel done. I made that goal last March and gave myself one year. I am about 20,000 words short. I'm sure I could write 20,000 in the month of March if I put my mind to it, but I'm just having trouble being inspired. What will I write? And if I figure that out, who gives a crap that it has been written? I know that's pretty negative, but it is what it is.

Bob Dylan said it best...

in his song, "You're a Big Girl Now."

Cookies and Control Top Underwear

I found myself walking around Walmart this morning, in my hands was a wad of all different kinds of Control Top Panty Hose, slimming underwear, and a package of Pepperage Farms Milano cookies, double chocolate. Did I bother to get a cart to conceal some of it? Of course not, that might actually save me embarrassment. I'm starting to think I am glutton for punishment. I sure gave the cashier a laugh when i set them all down and said, "Cookies and Control top, makes sense, right?" Her reply was, "Actually, it does." With a laugh and an understanding smile she also told me to stop my McDonald's on my way out. If she had only known the temptation I felt when I walked by it on the way in. What happened to the size 6 days? Yes, even after kids I made it back there. These days, it's a size 10, tummy tuck undies, a push up bra, and a lot of cookies. What happened to me?

I like Walmart. It is a place I feel perfectly comfortable, my own kind are there. Those who lived in their Grandma's garage and thought it was the best because they were close to their mama, those with two dads, one who cared and one who just couldn't even if he wanted to, which he probably did. Those people who were destined to be stuck in trailer parks, like it's in their veins, my kind of people. You want to know something? I hate it when people make fun of Walmart because of the people who go there. Whew, I feel better now, I've been wanting to say that for a long time. I despise it when people judge others just because they are "Walmart type folk." I imagine I must be an undercover one or it wouldn't be my very own friends who feel comfortable to say such things in my presence. I mean, they are putting down my peeps here! They are people too! I like going to Walmart because it is there that I will yell at my kids just as I do at home, instead of saying all the proper "please and thank yous" in public and then being my true self at home where no one can see my motherhood flaws. Maybe it's not so much that people who shop at Walmart are bad people, are lesser class than those who shop at say, Target. I find it refreshing being around people who are real and don't hide their true selves in public and then let it all hang out at home. I am white trash in clean clothes. I lived in a garage, I lived in the bad part of town and never noticed, I lived in a trailer park, my car trunk was my closet for years, and I've walked around barefoot with a baby on my hip. And I'm loved for being that way, so the next time you think to talk bad of Walmart people remember that they are just like you, but not hiding their bad parts. They let it all hang out and I love them for their honesty.

Life, ahhh crap

I so wish things were different sometimes. Wish life were different. Wish people were different. There are so many things that feel so far away, I'll never touch them because of choices I've made. How can anything be impossible? I never used to believe that to be true, but wonder now if there really are some things that are just unattainable. And if I got them, would I want them then? I think so. But didn't I once want what I have now?

Writing with children

I hear these stories about fabulous authors writing these amazing stories under less than great conditions, a child sitting on their lap even. Personally, my mind just does not work when I have a kid hanging on me, talking to me, in the same room. How do they do it? What's the trick? Do they have stronger minds, or maybe, quieter children?

You love me! You really love me!

So, I thought no one gave a crap if I blogged about my mundane life, but I suppose they do. Wahooo! What's new? I don't feel like I have to throw up anymore! That's awesome! Right? Yes, it is.

Met with the writers group this morning. Very cool group of people. Going to try to get a job at Barnes and Noble. Has nothing to do with money and everything to do with my love for the smell of books. Not.

I'm literally sick and tired. So much for being positive!

There has to be a way to get a schedule down where I can do some writing. I mean seriously!

I have every intention of getting some real work done today...after all the other crap I have to do to get ready for tomorrow. Oh why can't I lock myself in a cabin in the woods and become one of those super cool writing hermits for a couple months. I think that would be helpful.

Going to watch my two year old niece today. The "amazing cartoon box" doesn't work quite as well on the toddlers, so I may not be getting much work done today. Should be spending time with her anyway. She's cute as a button.

Although, I have to admit, the day before yesterday I got out the 'ole laptop and got to work on a new story. I made a couple paragraphs of progress putting some detail into what I had already written. But then the Husband came to talk to me about something or another and the focus was gone. Being as how I cannot get people to understand I shouldn't be interrupted if I am in front of the computer typing away, I need to figure out a way to regain my momentum once it has been screwed up.